blah blarbs choochoo...

after a loooooong while...

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 15:31:45 GMT

First 3 weeks of clerkship...

"Yey! Finally, after 3 years of being stuck in the classroom, I'm out of there!"

Yuck... Did I really think that way when I passed 3rd year med unharmed?! (unharmed = I was 99% sure I'll pass 3rd year). Anyway, I was happy (of course!) to think that I don't have any removal examinations even if I didn't study for the finals... hehe! (I got lazy during the last grading period). So now, yes I'm a Medical Clerk in St. Luke's Medical Center or in some institutions, its also equivalent to a Junior Intern. I work in the hospital already and whenever its duty time, sometimes you stay in the hospital more than 36 hours with not much sleep (average of 2 hours... 3 hours is already a luxury... 3 hours sleeping sideways is heaven!). It is true... I don't own my time anymore. Plus, the demerrits suck! I mean fine it teaches you discipline... ok, I admit its my fault... Now I don't want to be late (we go to the hospital at 6:30am sharp) because if we're late even by a minute, its equivalent demerrit is equal to 8 hours extension. Waah!!! Nakakaloka! ><;

Another thing that I don't like in the hospital is the OPD (out patient department) which is the most stressful part! We end up using our whole day in the OPD due to overflowing patients... plus sometimes, our residents will suddenly ask questions ala rivalida in front of patients and we all need to rely on stuck knowledge since we have no time to read books. Hay! Kakaloka! Kakapagod... ><;

But no matter how many "boljaks" we get from our residents, I don't care because I admit, my knowledge is so little compared to them and I see each opportunity as a learning experience. No matter how tiring, I can still smile because I can still work in order for my patients to be ok. When the situation is so tough its overwhelming, I can still pray for some extra energy and time that I may do what is right. Considering my rotation (Im currently rotating in Internal Medicine ala House M.D. for 2 months I'll be in IM), I'm already relatively lucky because the OB rotations have 1 month East Ave Hospital and that's tough!!! Hay, ewan! All I know is for the next 2 years, it will be survival of the fittest!

If ever you'll be in St Luke's Medical Center, have me paged... haha! joke! Just txt me, I'll be your clerk in charge! ^___^
BTW, I got no globe number anymore... I'm a SUN person now... we need that since everyone in the hospital using the Sun network..

Boy (?) or Man (?)

Mahaba ang hair ko... LOL! XD Early this year, I had a new friend, UP law student, same age as I am, who I think is a good prospect... hehe! Dapat yata i-private ko ito. Ah whaddaheck! Anyway, he's nice and is very spritual which I truly admire about him. On the other hand, I like this other guy... a doctor already. Age gap is not that much since he's just a 1st yr resident... haha! He's nice and sobrang gentleman.. and he's sooo HHHHOOOT!! hehe! halata kse nagwwork-out...

How to choose... hay!

Experiences...

Within 3 weeks, I had STAT (STAT = Short Turn Around Time = meaning, emergency because someone had a cardiac arrest and resuscitation is very vital) countless times already... some of them expired, some of them lived. But I think the worst STAT I had was when I had to do the CPRs instead of doing the ambubagging... that was my weakest day since there are no Interns (they had their exams) hence we got no boys to do the CPRs and I haven't eaten the whole day then with not much sleep but since the boys are minimal, we had to do compressions as well... One experience I won't forget... tiring... the patient expired in the end. :'( But we did what we can. One of the hardest thing that I need to learn is to have a bond with patients and be empathic as well but to not let it get in the way of our job.

Conclusion

I'm still starting and there's still so many things I'd experience... I just wish I get enough sleep the next time and I'd be able to read my books... also get a life outside the hospital by fixing my personal life...

Blarb! Did I make any sense? I'm sleepy... gotta sleep... zzzzzzzzzz!!!!

Accidental fate

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 09:17:59 GMT

I accidentally saw this video and yet exactly this is what i feel... sigh! check out the lyrics below...

You give me something
James Morrison

You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water
Now I've gotten in too deep,
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.

You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me,
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what the mean,
I never thought that I'd love someone,
That was someone else's dream.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might be a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.
Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

crossed fingers...

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 21:54:33 GMT

Within 2 weeks... whew! So many things happened. I'm just taking a break from my research so this will be just a quickie... hehe! X)

I contemplated before that maybe the next guy will be younger than me. Joked about it that i'll have a new one by 2007... bwahaha! Within 2 weeks i learned that there are actually 2 guys... both are younger than me. >nyek!< both are related to a school-mate of mine. Complicated eh?! Basta, kwento ko na lang maybe by friday... (Most probably I got a date!) Nyehehee! ^^;

I never thought I'll have some time for this but I'm not complaining...

Wee... ok, i'll go back to my research now... happy to go back to my research!

BTW, i miss you guys... kelan ba ang gimik? ^_______^

I can't wait for Sembreak... BREAK na BREAK na ako!!! Beach... out of town... inuman... bonding... whoo!!

just for fun... meet my TWIN!!!

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 15:07:18 GMT

>>_my twin from stc_<<

i can't help it... i was bored surfing friendster and i saw a familiar face... a face i used to see in STC back in my high school years. What do you know, that girl is the closest friend of my "twin"?! A twin?! Yep, i used to be bullied because there's this girl in STC (2 years older than me), whom my classmates said is my "twin"...

now i'm sharing it with you guys... just so you'll know how i will look like if i've been a little bit more feminine... with a little more finesse... a little more girly and more "pink"... eww! its just not me... but to give you guys some hindsight of what i would have been if i were a little bit like that...

guess what... she's chinese! more eww... i don't look like chinese... that's a general statement... not pertaining to anyone... ah basta! Ang hirap mag-explain...

but we do have the same likes when it comes to asian dramas and "kikay" stuff... still... LOL!

here's her websites... (just copy the websites and paste them in a new window... i dunno how to add a link. sowee...)

http://iheartpaulfrank.blogspot.com/

http://www.friendster.com/2786847

i want to ask for your comments... anyone is welcome.. hehe! ^^;

Eww.. Yuck! Get off me!!!

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 05:18:45 GMT

>>_Makulet!_<<
Damn it... nakakainis yung malaman na andun pa rin yung makulit at ayaw mawalang tao diyan pakalat kalat... (disclaimer: I'm speaking "in general" so kung nagbabasa ka... baka ikaw nga iyon. not unless feeling mo hindi ikaw yon eh di hindi ikaw yun...) Bad trip. Bakit ba kse ang kulit at hindi pa ako tantanan. 'Takte! Let go!!! Tanggalin na ako, pwede?!

Pero since parang walang kwenta na rin ito... hay! Sige na nga. Peste! Para lang malabas itong kainisan ko na ito... nakakairita... arrgh!

err... update?!?

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 17:45:44 GMT

>>_insomniac_ <<

I am not really insomniac... its just that i can't sleep which is actually weird. With all the stress i'm encountering and the lack of social life, (not to mention even a lovelife... shucks! pimp me! =) i should be sleeping. Well if i'm not sleeping, i should be reading my books! But i'm too lazy... yes, I AM LAZY... Or better yet I'll just admit that i'm insomniac as of the moment so that it will sound better... at least for the very moment.

So what's up with you guys??? =) Gosh, you guys don't have any idea how I MISSED YOU!!!   Actually, all of you... even those who are not supposed to be missed... well you could include them (just for the sake of making something intangible a little bit possible). Now how do i begin this. I will try to summarize the past four months (?!?) in one post, so here goes...

>>_SY 2006-2007_<<

geesh, i never thought i'd pass second year. Seriously! You people don't have any idea how BAD i was then. But I'm all good now. ^_^* hehe! It's just that everything has been so BUSY... We are so BUSY that eating and sleeping (MOST SPECIALLY SLEEPING) is a luxury for us. Just imagine, I'd rather have our quarterly examinations than having regular weeks because at least whenever we'll have our quarterly exam, we know what's ahead of us and that we can prepare for it. It's easier. It's way way less hectic than going to school thinking you're prepared because the other night, you've read what you think is important for that day and then going to school, you'll be given a patient (yes, we are treated as clerks... we are given a patient per group but if we're "luckier" we're given one patient per student) and you need to do the patient's history, physical examination (a.k.a. PE), your inital impression, differential diagnosis and from here, our mentor / doctors will ask us: our mode of action (labs, imaging modalities, 1st line of treatment etc...) and then they ask the hardest question: WHY? These are the times wherein we students answer righteously if we do know the answer... confidant of course. But if we are really not that lucky (and confident) we still do answer the question, trying to do all our best going around the bush... trying our luck up to when we can hold unto our luck... we do all of this in front of the patient. Just imagine the horror if you're the patient... Just imagine how embarrassing it is if your the student. But hey, we are insane. We are still hanging on hence, yes, we are insane...

But don't get me wrong. I still love my job. (Told you i'm insane). You learn a lot of stuff which is not written in the book. Experience says it all. -Sumakit bigla ulo ko... err-   So where am i, oh yeah... but still i love the playing field. Stressful, hectic, toxic, toxic, TOXIC but only a few people can handle this - I'm one of them.   But i'm also vulnerable. A quarter of this schoolyear and i've had multiple breakdowns already. Sometimes, I just cry with no apparent reason. Then afterwards, you're happy again. Sometimes, we don't care anymore what the doctor tells us. We just think that each day is a surprise challenge that we should do... Just do it. No pain, no gain...

Blah blah blarb.   So that's my usual life. No wonder i can't find a decent date. Sheesh! I can't even party during the weekends or whenever we have a free time... (Is that even a real phrase? Free time?) Huhu! ='(   Believe it or not, I haven't been to mall of asia! How pathetic... What i do in my spare time (besides doing my homework) would be watching DVD series. Does anyone of you know "Grey's Anatomy"?   I would RECOMMEND THIS SERIES to anyone... ANYONE! =) If you guys would like to know how med students / interns' life are (at the same time know some med terms... its cool actually), WATCH "GREY'S ANATOMY". =) Its being shown in cabletv (Star channel? I'm not so sure), just watch 1 episode and you'll be hooked. The other series I'd recommend is "House M.D.". House, on the otherhand, is like CSI ala Medical case. Gets?! Its also nice but its quite serious than Grey's Anatomy. And then there's "Scrubs", which is pure comedy. Uber funny but not much about Medicine. Sheesh! Telling all of these made me feel like I'm such a geek... eww.

And I lost my touch. I don't look that "young" anymore. (double Huhu!) I mean, relative to my age, people still think I'm younger than my real age but its not like before...   When a person would usually sleep 1 1/2-5 hrs of sleep per day, they won't look any younger. *Sigh!* What more when i become a clerk... 'takte!

I'm closing this part of this post... i'm beginning to become sleepy hence i'm beginning to become irrational.. nyek!

>>_OB... anyone?_<<

How's Otaku Boards? I miss the site. Even though I'm online and not that busy (not to mention i have dsl connection... hehe!) I still can't go to OB. Its not that i don't want to go, its just that i don't feel the drive anymore (oh no!). Its just that i feel left out... i don't know what's the in thing in anime (oh yeah... i need some anime recommendations please... whatever genre as long as the story+graphics are good... its been a while). I will look like a newbie... hiya ako... hehe. So update me. anyone? =)

>>_FREE DAY_<<

Wee!!! Free day! =) On August 18, friday, around 4pm- til whenever, I declare that that is my free day! hehe! If my friend is not wrong, (I'm praying she's not wrong), GMA already declared August 21, Monday, a holiday for all QC residents in order to commemorate Manuel L. Quezon day. So if any of you guys are free, text me... nood naman tayo sine or whatever!!! I just want to party / go out with my non-med friends... please? =) anyone... pm me, msg in friendster, reply here... better yet text me...

I'm now sleepy... 1:39am in my computer. don't worry. starting today, i'll try to post more...

soon to come: subjects about... new look, new glasses, freshmen, surgeons are a no-no, pimp me! ... etc... next posts!

Need to learn Japanese...

Mon, 29 May 2006 17:39:03 GMT

This is just an ad.. a real quickie...

Ey guys, I need your help. I really need to learn Japanese soon for internship in Japan (if ever i pass the test) @_@;; A friend of mine said that in order for internship in Japan to be possible, we need to pass JPLT level 3? (I'm not sure about the name of the test but its like IELTS, only in Japanese...)

Does anyone know where we can have Japanese lessons? Somewhere REALLY GOOD but cheap... hehe! please help...thanks!!!

===============

I'll update this journal soon... so far my summer has been great!!! I had 2 Medical Missions (one in Daet, Camarines Norte - kasama yung bagyong si Caloy and the other one in Calaca, Batanggas). I learned a lot from these Med Missions... Marunong na akong MAG-TULI!!! I also know now how to operate on Sebaceous Cysts, Tendon Cysts, Breast Mass... kahit ano pang bukol sa katawan! Pictures will be posted soon. Also, i enrolled myself in a Basic Street Dance Workshop (nung nag-enroll ako akala ko Advanced Street Dance... literally Basic sha but i enjoyed their company kaya masaya pa rin plus they invited me to join their dance group! YOSH! :)

So far ayun lang... I'm not excited to go back to school... I'm more of excited in wearing the new uniform... Nyehehehe! >:)

Como estas?

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 21:16:05 GMT

hello people! grabe na-miss ko kayo ah... na miss nyo ba ako? i miss actually miss OB but due to my uber-hectic sched, ndi na ko nakaka-online not unless i need to research about something. i actually don't have weekends since andaming paperworks, research, exams, orals... i mean oral exams! at least, walang comprehensive exam this year... naku kung meron pa e, baka bumigay na ang katawan ko...

i really can't read all of your entries >.< sowee >.<; nway, sa summer na lang ako babawi... as of the moment, nagpaparamdam lang ako ^_^*~

>>My Name is Kim Sam Soon<<

Waaah! i'm hooked! Ito na lang ang source of fun ko kaya grabe! Mababaw man ang kaligayahan na ito, at least nagiging normal pa ako dahil dito... Anyway, what I like about this series is that I can relate with Sam Soon... lahat ng problema nya sa lovelife (kahit problems nya sa katawan nya and class status -na problema ko rin), everything! Plus, may cutie si Cyrus (Hyeon Bin) although the other guy is more of my type, i like Cyrus better kse may angas! bwahaha! Having no time to date, *sigh!* sa TV na lang ako naghahanap ng papanaginipan ko... hehe! Also, Kim Seon-Ah (Sam Soon) needed to gain 15 lbs, just so she can portray the role... lufet! Hindi pa naman ako lumolobo ng ganun... ewan ko ba! Kapag stressed ang tao at wala ng time matulog, dinadaan na lang sa kain... waah!!! Mataba na ako pero sabi ng mga kaklase ko, hindi naman daw... *sigh!* I dunno if being a good-dresser is good or not?! X_x;;

may isa lang akong gusto, gusto ko nakawin yung Baboy stuff toy ni Sam Soon! nyahahaha! >=)

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

so far ayun lang... update na lang ako sa susunod... 5:18am na. wala pa akong tulog... waaah! dami kong kwento pero ngayon lang ako inantok eh... tulog muna... zzzz

= gusto ko talaga nakawin yung baboy... kung hindi, pwede yung guy na lang?! bwehehe!!! =

dominant trait

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 18:55:06 GMT

got this test from ruk. and guess what i got?

Dominant Personality: Grace

Good Traits: You're very dancer-like in your
step. You're light-hearted, and smile often.
You probably have a lot of distant friends.

Bad Traits: You don't take anyone or
anything seriously. It's not all fun and games.

People see you as: Happy, unaware, and
unnerved. You try and hide your emotions
because you think you always have to be
cheerful. There's appropriate times to show
emotion, and people may think you're uncaring.

You're Most Like: Innocence. You both have a
childlike purity. The difference is that you
aren't as bubbly, and tend to be more
artistically inclined.

You Need More: Protected. Don't open up so
easily to people. Not everyone can be trusted.

What's your dominant trait? (10 unique results)
brought to you by Quizilla

i took the test again and changed a bit some of my answers and this is what i got...

Dominant Personality: Calm

Good Traits: You prefer to be exclusive,
limiting yourself to only a few good friends
that you've probably known for a long time. You
don't date around either; you settle down with
one guy, and you never get used to heartbreak.

Bad Traits: You're someone who doesn't want
to be bothered with everyone else's problems.
You'd rather kick back and enjoy life at a slow
pace. You tend to fall behind and procrastinate
from being too laid back.

People see you as: Shy, slow to catch on,
and a daydreamer. People think you're in your
own little world and are tenative to approach
you.

You're Most Like: Fear. You distance
yourself from the people who aren't in your
circle. The difference is that you aren't
paranoid about this.

You Need More: Understanding. There are
other people out there worth knowing. It's okay
to broaden your variety.

What's your dominant trait? (10 unique results)
brought to you by Quizilla

... i think i'm a mix of both but i'm more of the former. ^_^

APMC sports event...

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 18:05:49 GMT

>>back to reality...<<

yep, the 1st week is over and school is beginning to take its toll on me. we have a research/thesis that we need to do for the past sem plus clinic hours for our free time. it's beginning to be toxic again. i kindda missed UST and STC all of a sudden. i mean, college was hard as well (HS? nah... not really) but at least we do see something else and not just the four corners of the room. walang tambayan sa st.luke's! walang puno at puro lang pader. it seems like the only place where we can hang around would be the library (what?! books again?!). now that i'm thinking about it, i sometimes ask myself... "what is this trouble you got yourself into?" >< but even if it's like this, the determination is still there to keep us driving 'til we reach our goal. although sometimes, we can't help but feel stuck... X(

just wish we're still sane 'til we reach that goal...

>>APMC this weekends<<

amidst the hectic schedule, we have this sports event between med schools. its like UAAP or NCAA. i should've been playing for the women's basketball but i refused since i don't want another extra-curricular activity that will eat my time, not to mention my budget as well (uniforms, reserving the court, food etc.). i'd rather sleep! ^_^ besides, i'm already in the dance group... that's enough. so tomorrow, we'll go to La Salle Zobel (is that the right name? sorry, i dunno) in Alabang (too far!) in order to give my support to my good friends and fellow students. ^_^ i'll upload some pictures next time...

just wish they won't eat us alive...

>> THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE <<

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a infamous yes.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

Now, said the professor, as the laughter subsided, I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things. Your family, your children, your faith, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter. Your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first, he continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.

i think i feel a lot better now than before. i'm satisfied with what i have and i'll use whatever resources i have to go on and truly move on. i know that sometimes, it will still be difficult, but surrounded by happy people and people who loves me and truly cares for me, i'll get by just fine. i am happy that there's such a thing as 'hope'. it made me see that life is not as bad as one thinks it is. as of the moment, i'm contented with what i have. one step at a time... *^_~*

quickie...

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 10:02:44 GMT

lost chance...

i'm quite sad right now... been listening to Magic89.9 thinking i can slip myself in their hotline in order to get tix to see their RBO of harry potter iv:gof but i dunno anything about the songs... why do they have to remix 3songs and play them simultaneously? its too hard!!! i'd rather go with the 3 trivial questions but they didn't! last tickets were already given... i just missed one song.

so sad!!! T,T

looks like i needed to wait for another week in order to see the film...

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*smile-is-bawling-that-the-room-is-flooding* *sob!*

weird day...

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 19:33:41 GMT

>> uh-oh! <<

yesterday, i was late for school. i woke up around 10am when my class started 9am. I think I was still dreaming when I woke up since I didn't seem to care about the time. Talk about my mind still in vacation mode >.< heh! When I relaized that I was late, i hurriedly called my classmates if they can at least sign me for the attendance but it was also too late. ;( Good thing my classmates already forewarned me that we'll have a quiz in our Medicine class which was after lunch. Yep, i already arrived for the class after lunch. At the same time, I'm not that ready for the quiz.... Pasaway! Good thing the quiz was given after the lecture and the reporting so all I can do would be to listen attentively and jot down and remember important notes as much as I can. XD

Good thing the quiz was not that bad. I only had 2 mistakes but those mistakes was due to my blurring vision and an incomplete answer. I can't believe that my vision is so bad already! I really need those new eyeglasses! I wrote 80% (that was the value I read) when it was actually 86% and to think I was just around 2.5-3 meters away from the board and the slideshow was not really that small... this is bad and I'm already bothered but I still can't persuade my mum to buy me things because I just paid my Über expensive manuals. huhu! Need to really get those glasses by next week...

>>grateful<<

My first sem in this schoolyear has been a wreck. Too much of a wreck actually. I was actually praying really hard that at the very least, i pass my grades. It's that bad. So when I got my grades for the 1st half of the sem, I was so thankful that its not as bad as I expected it to be. I'm just grateful that somehow, with those times that I just can't bring myself to study (I'm not functional at all even if I want to... wasn't studying for my exams--majority of it), I still passed. But I'm still scared since the whole batch still doesn't know our grades in Surgery1... It's a hard subject. How hard? Let's just say that only 7 out of 75 (the whole batch) passed the 2nd long exams. We have no idea what our standing is. I need a miracle with this one. I just wish our preceptor for this was generous to give us very very high grades...

I still think that whatever the results will be (oh how i wish I'd pass Surgery1), it's all for the better... it's God's plan. I just wish that He's plan would be me passing and not repeating the whole year... please??? >,<

>>my theme song<<

i heard this song in the radio and it speaks my heart...there is always HOPE. this is my song! ^_^*~

Soluna feat. J. Roman
"Where are you?"

[J. Roman]
there's someone out there for me,
I know she's waiting so patiently,
can you tell me her name?
this life long search is gonna drive me insane

How does she laugh how does she cry,
what's the color of her eyes,
does she even realize, I'm here

where is she, where is she, where is she,
where is this beautiful girl,
who is she, who is she,
who's gonna complete my world,
where is she, where is she,
where is this beautiful girl,
who is she, who is she,
who's gonna complete my world,

la da da da da da da, la da da da da, la da da da da da da

[Soluna]
I'm staring out at the sky,
praying that he will walk in my life,
where is the man of my dreams? yeah yea
I'll wait forever, how silly it seems,

how does he laugh how does he cry,
what's the color of his eyes,
does he even realize, I'm here

where is he, where is he, where is he,
where is this beautiful guy,
who is he, who is he,
who's gonna take me so high,
where is he, where is he,
where is this beautiful guy,
who is he, who is he,
who's gonna take me so high

[J.Roman [Soluna]]
there's someone out there for me[there's someone out there for me],
I know she's waiting so patiently[so patient],
can you tell me her name[can you tell me his name],
this life long search is gonna drive me insane,

[Soluna]
how does he laugh, how does he cry,
what's the color of his eyes,
does he even realize, I'm here

[J. Roman]
where is she, where is she, where is she,
where is this beautiful girl,
who is she, who is she,
who's gonna complete my world,

[Soluna]
where is he, where is he,
where is this beautiful guy,
who is he, who is he,
who's gonna take me so high,

[Together]
la da da da da da da, la da da da da, la da da da da da da
[J.Roman: I kno you're out there]
la da da da da da da, la da da da da, la da da da da da da
[J. Roman: where are you, I've been lookin all over the world baby,
cuz I know you're out there, and I know it might sound crazy,
but i think I love you..]
la da da da da da da

I also heard this song... it struck me because the woman singing was good but i wasn't able to know who she is.. :(

Jim Brickman
Change of Heart

I feel that I'm at a crossroads
I don't know which way to go
You say that I am changing
Into someone that you don't know
Who I am and who I'll be
Is locked inside, inside of me

And if I follow my heart
Will you still be my friend
If we break apart?
How do I make, how will you take
My change of heart?

For years you have been my bestfriend
I thought that would always be
You know that I just can't pretend
It's written all over me
'Cuz where I'll go
And what I'll do, I just can't see
My life without you

If I follow my heart
Will you still be my friend
If we break apart?
How do I make, how will you take
My change of heart?

Moving on is gonna take some time
When I'm gone, you might have
A change of mind
Gotta take the chance,
No matter what I find.

No matter how far I travel
I think of you as home
Its not about finding someone else,
Its all about being alone
Because who I am and who I'll be
Is locked inside, inside of me
'Cuz if I follow my heart
Will you still be my friend,
If we break apart?
How will I make, how will you take
My change of heart?

How will you take
My change of heart?

the weekend before the 2nd sem...

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 23:34:08 GMT

~*~Result nr 11~*~

Your power is: Transportation

Explanation: To simplify matters you
can, all in all, transport your way to places.
This helps you get to places faster and be more
efficent. In combat that is also good since
your enemy will not know where you are and you
can get suprise attacks on him/her. For evil
purposes you can break in to bancs etc and rob
places. For good purposes you can save people
kidnapped in places (if you know where they
are) etc.
As a person you are always on the go and don't
like not having anything to do. You see boredom
as useless and try to avoid it. Therefor you
have many friends that can keep you occupied.
Other characteristics are that you're a nice
and easy-going person, and maybe even popular.
You are impulsive, energetic and just someone
looking for a fun time and adventures. People
can't be bored with you.
Negative aspects: You have a tendancy to
not stick with people and can get enemies when
you're not loyal. You can also back-talk people
which will make you less liked.

What Power is Compatible With You? [beautiful anime pictures + 12 detailed results]
brought to you by Quizilla

i took the quiz again and this is what i got...

~*~Result nr 12~*~

Your power is: The ability to breathe
under water

Explanation: When swimming, you don't
need to get up and take a new fresh breath
since you take in oxygen from the water. This
allows you to stay in the water as much as
you'd like. In good purposes it can save
drowning victims. In evil purposes it can help
you drag down a person to the depths and have
them drowned. This power helps you escape the
world, if even for a bit, since you have grown
to despise it so much.
You have been a beaten dreamer with aspirations
crushed. Now you try to control your hopes
because you don't want to get hurt again. You
feel there is no hope for you in the future and
have no real goals. But unlike the Controller
of Time you do still feel, even if it's mostly
negative emotions. You have few friends, if
any, and feel you are unable to speak about
your troubles. And unlike the Transformer, you
don't feel happiness nowadays. All seems to be
filled despair whereever you go and you are
bitter becaue the world has failed you. It
didn't turn out the way you wanted it too and
you feel betrayed. It is also likely the
feeling of betrayal comes from past
relationships where you were left alone in the
end.
Negative aspects: Since you are highly
depressed and not letting out your emotions
properly there is a possibility for cutting, to
let the emotions out. Also, if the feeling of
despair grows to strong you might consider
taking your life.

What Power is Compatible With You? [beautiful anime pictures + 12 detailed results]
brought to you by Quizilla

i think i'm more of the latter than the former... i'm speaking in "present tense".

heh! i can never hide...

maybe its the effect of the new sem fast approaching o_O;

>>about me<<

here are some facts you people probably don't know about me...hmmm

1. i have many nicknames. let's try naming some: senseichi (OB), gracie lou (from my classmates in ust), smile (from my high school friends and during my active days in the radio)... but seriously, my real nickname would be CHENG or Ching-cheng. it started with CHI, which my aunt gave me when i was a kid because, according to the family, i kindda look like chinese. from chi, it evolved to chi-chi then to ching-ching then to cheng and so on...

2. my favorite drink would be milk. i always drink milk. i could even be a model of 'MILK'... hehe! in my dreams... oh yeah, equally with milk, i also love yakult! ^_^ ok ka ba dyan?!

3. my first love would be painting and sketching... the whole family saw it in me that i do have the gift of drawing thing in detail since i never tried drawing in sticks...

4. my first dream was to become a teacher. that was when i was in grade 2, but then my mum persuaded me and told me that i won't earnings are not that good so i dropped the idea. i then thought of becoming an architect or interior designer or even fashion designer due to my fondness of the arts but being practical and the youngest in the family (i thought i'd be the one to take care of my family), i thought being a doctor would be best. after being a doctor, i still would like to teach. =)

5. i have the wildest dream of having my own clinic and beside it, my own boutique... hehe! hindi ko talaga maiwan eh...

6. i have a brother and 2 sisters. i used to be boyish when i was in high school and i usually hang around with my brother and his friends. i never liked wearing sandals (started wearing them when i was in 2nd yr college) and flirty skirts at the same time, i act like a tomboy (but i'm not). because of these things, the whole family thought i was actually one (i'm a theresian: STCQC) so they were cheering when guys (friends in RX) started calling the house...you guys know the story...

7. i like girls. Er -- but i'm NO lesbo! (Of course not... not unless... er-- whatever! i'm no lesbo-period!) i just admire the same sex... My first female crush was one of my closest friends in high school. She knows about this since the whole class have been teasing us for the past 3 years. the funny thing is she didn't mind me liking her. we actually became closer after she knew the whole deal but i never made a move on her. i actually told this to my ex-bf which, to my surprise, made him so hysterical and frantic it was one of our major (not to mention, also one of the worst) fights ever! i just can't believe it! i would NEVER EVER court her! (i give high respect to my female crush/es) but if ever i'd find a guy who's like her, i would definitely say "yes" to him. oh yeah, she was pretty and intelligent as well and very very much humble... very down to earth... very sensitive... very nice! argh! the sad part is that she's a girl... sigh! oh well...

8. that was a long revelation up there... whew! anyway, here's a quick one: i'd like my next boyfriend to be a metrosexual. seriously! just metrosexual but not gay! =P

9. i was such a fanatic of sailormoon i actually asked my HS classmates to call me Bunny instead of Smile... i even bought the same criss-crossed shoes usagi wears... it never worked anyway...

10. i'm a radio freak. i have two favorite radio stations: Magic 89.9 and RX 93.1 (talk about being balimbing. heh!). i actually started being an active listener when i was in 2nd year HS in Magic 89.9 (yep it was magic!) then i sort of listened to RX93.1 when i was in 3rd year HS because of Bruce Romano (love that guy due to his TAGS- The Anything Goes Show). I won more gift items in Magic than in RX but wasn't able to get all those prizes because i dunno where they were located! so much for that... i actually won tickets again in Magic 89.9 last thursday for their RBO film, "Crying Wolf"... ^_^ and this time, i'm claiming the tickets!

11. i'm a sucker for a guy who's a very good dancer... and i mean someone who can actually dance and not someone who just knows how to step right in dance revolution or who can hit right the correct color in dance maniax... you people know what i mean.

12. i'd rather have cats than dogs for pets. i actually want to have a really big cat... like a tiger for a pet! ^_^

13. you people don't want to see me drunk... i'm quite er- let's say "different"... basta.

14. my girl-friends told me that my gay radar is kindda weak (daw). maybe because my crushes (some of them) usually end up to be bi- or gay... no way! i don't agree though...

15. one of my goals this summer is to go to boracay and to a bar caller 'Cocomangas bar' and try their "15 straight shots" of different kinds of drinks... just for fun! LOL!

so far that's about it... i'll put another entry (the 2nd part of this one) but this one is let's say, more interesting so it better be not in public. bwehehe!

HP IV: Goblet of fire

whoever is playing Cedric Diggory, damn... he's hot! *blush* there's a link below... oh yeah, the actor is Robert Pattinson... ooh! gotta search some more..
http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1152272/photo_51_hires.jpg

Cho is pretty here but Cedric ... ah, he's hot! heh!
http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1152272/photo_35_hires.jpg

at the same time, katie leung, who plays Cho Chang is well... she's also pretty... *cough*2bdsheschyneez*cough*... but in this pic, she doesn't look like that...
http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1152272/photo_20_hires.jpg

ooh... i just can't wait for this film... ^_^*~

EDIT: my niece, from my eldest sister, she actually has a resemblance with Emma Watson (Hermione)! i'll try to upload a pic next time... gotta look first.

new month!

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 18:43:33 GMT

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
methylene_blue goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as veela.
jov tricks you! You get a rotten egg.
kaoko_cow gives you 2 purple grape-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
kitkatchan gives you 6 tan chocolate-flavoured gumdrops.
markpoa gives you 5 light orange passionfruit-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
nychuus gives you 10 pink lime-flavoured nuggets.
ruk gives you 11 yellow watermelon-flavoured gumdrops.
sshakey tricks you! You get a block of wood.
ubechan tricks you! You get a piece of paper.
methylene_blue ends up with 34 pieces of candy, a rotten egg, a block of wood, and a piece of paper.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

if the rotten egg is like "century egg", then that would be fine, eh?!

>> play with the mind... <<
i've been quite addicted to some mind-games in the net. this all started in the crimson room... hay! i get to stay solving puzzles until the wee hours the next day... just like right now. addict na ako... >.< here's just some of the sites if u want... ^_^*~

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/957/

http://mofuya.com/flash/swan_en.htm

>>> too sleepy now... tomorrow i'll write some stuff, u people should know about me.. at the same time, i'm changing my answer regarding the "questions" Rae asked during her birthday... tomorrow na lang. antok na e... hehe! ^_^~

neither...

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 16:41:29 GMT

just two songs for today...

1st song is one of my favorites because it gave me so much memories that i will cherish forever... forever...

2nd song speaks for itself...

so here they are... feel the sentiments, will you?

Ngayon at Kailanman
Basil Valdez
vid-ok; around 2-3AM

Ngayon at kailanman
Sumpa ko'y iibigin ka
Ngayon at kailanman
Hindi ka na mag-iisa
Ngayon at kailanman
Sa hirap ko ginhawa ka
Asahan may kasama ka sinta
Naroroon ako t'wina
Maaasahan mo t'wina
Ngayon at kailanman

Dahil kaya sa 'yo ng maitadhanang
Ako'y isilang sa mundo
Upang sa araw-araw ay siyang makapiling mo
Upang ngayon at kailanman
Ikaw ay mapaglingkuran hirang
Bakit labis kitang mahal
Pangalawa sa Maykapal
Higit sa 'king buhay

REFRAIN:
Sa bawat araw ang pag-ibig ko sa 'yo liyag
Lalong tumatamis, tumitingkad
Bawat kahapon ay daig nitong bawat ngayon
Na daig ng bawat bukas

Malilimot ka lang
Kapag ang araw at bituin ay di na matanaw
Kapag tumigil ang daigdig at di 'na gumalaw
Subalit isang araw pa matapos ang mundo'y nagunaw na
Hanggang doon magwawakas pag-ibig kong sadyang wagas
Ngayon at kailanman

REFRAIN:
Sa bawat araw ang pag-ibig ko sa 'yo liyag
Lalong tumatamis, tumitingkad
Bawat kahapon ay daig nitong bawat ngayon
Na daig ng bawat bukas

Labis kitang mahal (ngayon at kailanman)
Langit may kasama ka (ngayon at kailanman)
Ngayon at kailanman

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

"Don't Cry Out Loud"
Diana Degarmo
... just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings...

Baby cried the day the circus came to town
'cause she didn't want parades just passin' by her
So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about 'er 'cause, you see
Baby is an awful lot like me

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
The different kind of love she thought she'd found
There was nothin' left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can't be broken 'cause you see
She had the finest teacher-that was me-I told 'er

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost made it

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

pasaway!!!

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 19:29:37 GMT

pasaway ang yahoo messenger!!! ><

kung kelan may kausap ako ay biglaang nawala!!! ayaw pa mag-connect!!! ><

bu-sit! ini!

hmmm... biglaang nawala. bakit kaya? may gusto bang sabihin ito sa akin???

hmmm...

from friendster's bulletin board...

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 18:11:31 GMT

andami ko palang nakukuha sa friendster bulletin boards... ung iba lang pasaway sa pagpo-post ng ala naman kwentang entry. pero meron din na maganda... ito yung iba...

sa lahat ng guys and gals... agree ba kayo dito??? =^.^=

lahat ng nasa baba, copied lang yan sa bulletin boards ko sa friendster... wala na ko comment jan. ^.^

the trauma of being hurled in a pool of lie...

**sna mga peeps, just be brutally honest with what you truly feel for someone. stop making people live in a pool of illusions...you will never know how traumatic being made to believe a lie can be... read on....**

Hi!! If you're feeling unloved read this and you might know someone might luv you!

BOY: I saw her today
GIRL: I saw him today

BOY: It seems like its been forever
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares

BOY: She looks better than before
GIRL: I couldn't stop staring at him

BOY: I asked her how things were going
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend

BOY: I'd choose her over any girl im with
GIRL: He's probablly really happy right now

BOY: I couldnt look at her without starting to cry
GIRL: He couldnt even look at me

BOY: I told her I miss her
GIRL: He doesnt mean it

BOY: I meant it
GIRL: He didnt mean it

BOY: I love her
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend

BOY: I held her for the last time
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug

BOY: Then I went home and cried
GIRL: Then I went home and cried

BOY: I lost her
GIRL: I still love him

>>> If you are in love with someone/still are in love with someone, pass this on<<<

at this very minute~~

someone is thinking of you
someone cares about you.
someone misses you
someone wants to hold your hand.
someone wants you to be happy.
someone wants to hug you.
someone will do anything for you.
someone needs to know your love is unconditional.
someone wants to tell you how much they care.
someone wants to stay up watching movies w/ you.
someone wants to hold you in their arms.
someone wants to see you.
someone wants to be your lover.
someone loves you for who you are.
someone loves the way you make them feel.
someone wants to be with you.
someone wants you to know they are there for you.
someone is glad that you're their friend.
someone is wishing you would notice them.
someone wants to get to know you better.
someone loves you...

it's raining men

1.The nice men are ugly.

2.The handsome men are not nice.

3.The handsome and nice men are gay.

4.The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job, to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

LIVE WELL, LAUGH OFTEN, LOVE MUCH!

1st week of stress... haay

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 17:31:55 GMT

i really like this song... been listening to RX and i heard this again... haay. sad pala nito. ang ganda kse nung beat... some parts of the song came from the song "LAdy in Red". no particular reason kung bakit ito LSS ko... isa kse sa mga fave ko 'to...

I had no right (being so not for you)
PM Dawn

Why can’t I keep you from the cold
Seem to know the difference faces
No matter what road you travel on
You go through the darkest places

I can’t tell the angels it’ll be good
For you
But wanting to say blessed be the
Darkness
For bringing the life (light) through
But I’d be lying to myself

I had no right bringing you here
Knowing what I know, feeling the way
I feel
I had no right being so uncontent,
Being so confused,
Being so not for you

You’re in love with all that you don’t know
It animates your expectations
But what’s the easiest way to hurt a man
Give him all he’s ever wanted

Trying to tell the angels I don’t
Know what to do
While convincing myself to believe
All the sadness have purpose to
Makes me hate this

I had no right bringing you here
Knowing what I know, feeling the
Way I feel
I had no right being so uncontent,
Being so confused,
Being so not for you

And when you asked the angels to
Make you a better you
Dream all you want
Cause all the light you occupy
They will try and take it all from
You

I had no right bringing you here
Knowing what I know, feeling the
Way I feel
I had no right being so uncontent,
Being so confused,
Being so not for you

~#~#~#~

haay, stressful + hectic + tedious and now... problematic!!! 1st week ko palang... huhu! ><

nung 1st day, may lecture na kagad kami.. pina-recall pa ung biochem namin... 2nd day, thesis defense... research paper na thesis ang dating... traumatic! tapos ngayon, ako ang TRANSCRIPTION LEADER ng class...

ayoko na!!!

pero, iba ito!!! kaya ito!!! mind over matter... ang hindi ko lang talaga makuha bakit ako ung leader... tatamad talaga ng mga kaklase ko... kainis! T.T

define transcription: TRANSCRIPTION... ito ung combined notes ng part of the class (grouped) sa isang partikular na asignatura kung saan kailangan nilang magbigay ng kumpletong kopya (w/info from the bk) ng lecture na iyon para sa buong klase. sa pamamagitan nito, magiging madali ang buhay ng mga tao sa klase...

exception sa dadali ang buhay ay AKO dahil ako ang bwisit na leader!!! T.T

ang leader ang sasalo sa lahat ng problema ng class... kunwari walang kumukuha ng notes, ako kukuha ng responsibility... pero matalino rin ata ito... bibigyan ko sila ng penalty for every notes na kulang!!!

bwahahaha!!! *evil grin*

anghel ako na may halo pero meron akong buntot!!! hihi! =^.^=

bukas... may bukas pa...

mejo pagod pero kaya ito!

AJA!!! ^_^

days...

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 18:59:26 GMT

June 5, 2005
Today's Forecast
The minute you feel slightly bored, bam! Along comes something (or someone) that knocks your socks right off. Respond with all the creativity you can muster -- only your best will do now.

The Bottom Line
A discovery shifts something inside you. Your spirit creates a sizzling connection.

In Detail
You might be having a bad case of Groucho Marx Syndrome right about now -- i.e., why would you want to belong to any club that would have you as a member? Well, scrap that train of thought pronto. The stars have given you a heaven-sent opportunity and you should take advantage of it, pronto. Don't question about whether you really deserve the spot or whether it was a fluke. You do and it wasn't. So go for it.

-#-#-#-

just arrived from EK...

i'm exhausted... but its all worth it...

though it didn't really help me...

its already sunday, June 5!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DYAN!!! ^^ --> balik mo na lipgloss ko! hehe!

wee!!! Little, is back!!! yep... back to school na nga...

time flies so fast... June 5 na pala...

isang buwan na pala ang nakalipas...

tapos na pala ang bakasyon na ito...

hope everything goes well...

syempre pasukan na eh so dapat maayos lahat...

isang araw... ang bilis talaga ng oras...

haay... sana maging mabilis na rin ako...

para naman hindi na ako late...

sa lahat lahat ng bagay...

bahala na...

Siya nawa.

Something to think about…

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 17:57:37 GMT

I got this entry from the description of a friend of mine Fallen Star (Twinkle) in her friendster account : http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=2728798

Its really nice… try to read it if you can relate to it or something… i did...

If I cry in front of you, it means that I couldnt take it anymore.
If you take my hand, I would stay with you for the rest of your life;
If you let me go, I couldn't go back to being myself anymore.

I won't cry easily, except in front of the person whom I love the most, I become weak.

I won't cry easily. Only when I love you the most, I put down my ego.

So if I cry because of you, please hold my hands firmly, coz I'm the one who is willing to stay with you for the rest of your life.

If I cry because of you, please don't give me up, maybe because of your decision, you will shatter my life.

When I cry right in front of you... when I cry because of you, look into my eyes. Can you see and feel the pain and hurt I'm feeling?

Think.
Which other girl have cried with pure sincerity in front of you, and because of you?

I CRY NOT BECAUSE I AM WEAK,
I CRY NOT BECAUSE I WANT SYMPATHY OR PITY

I cry...
Because crying silently is no longer possible.
The pain, hurt and agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.

Think about it!

If I cry my heart out to you.. and all because of you, it's time to look back on what you have done. Only you will know the answer to it.

Do consider it, because one day, it may be too late for regrets. It may be too late to say "im sorry".

Some thoughts that you may be running away from to get over...

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 06:10:26 GMT

note: hindi ako mahilig sa survey... bad trip nga kapag puro ganito na lang nakukuha ko sa bulletin boards ng Friendster. pero itong isang ito sabi ko sasagutin ko... nakakatawa nakuha ko siya ng isa sa mga Fridays ng May... perfect timing huh?! Pero sinagot ko ito with reflections na rin sa sarili ko... in short all true. kelan ba ako nag-sinungaling?!? for those people who TRULY knows me, simple lang ako: What you see is what you'll get...

anyway, here goes...

1.eveR cRied oveR a bOy oR a girL?
/> oo naman... totoo lang ako. sobra dami kong naluha, buti na lang at summer kung hindi kakahiya naman kapag nakita pa ako ng ibang kaklase ko...

2.whaT iF nasALuboNg mo EX mo taPos maY kasaMa ng iba?
/> DEDMA lang not unless, siya mauna at magsalita. Kunwari hindi ko sila kilala... pero knowing my ex, may feeling ako kung ano na ang itsura niya... but i will not budge kaya DEDMA!

3.paNo paG isaNg aRaw nakiPag-baLikan saYo eX mo taPos naGmamakaAwa! dun pa sa parT na MEDyO limot mo nA xa?
/> Ay Diyos ko... parang nangyari na ito pero dun sa nagmamakaawa lang. Yun nga e, limot mo na!!! Nakakabad-trip pero (due to certain incidents) nakipag-usap pa rin ako... engots talaga! pero tapos na and this time back to square one BUT this time tuloy tuloy na ako...

4.dBa birThday ng EX mo...taPos inviTed ka...pUpunTa ka ba?
/> asus! ano gagawin ko maninira ng party?! wag na... hindi siya worth it.

5.mahaL mo pA ba EX mo?
/> hmmm... trick question ito. define words please?! kapag defined na, dun ko lang sasagutin. X)

6.paNo paG cNabi nG EX mo na maHaL ka pa diN nia!?! ano gagaWin mo?
/> wala naman tayo sa "wowowee" para magkaroon ng joke time... IF ever nga sasabihin niya ito, hindi niya alam ang kahulugan ng word na "mahal"...

7.paNo paG luMapiT saYo EX mo,huMihinGi ng heLp kasE nakipag-bReak sa kanYa GF/BF nia...tutuloNG ka ba?
/> tutulong ako sa pamamagitan ng pagdadasal para sa kanya... pero personal na tulong like i'll be his "friend" to listen and give him some advice, marami pa siyang mga kaibigan na iba (may 2 pa siyang "best friends"!) para tumulong sa kanya kaya tama na yun... all i can do is pray for him, the same thing whenever i pray for world peace...

8.paNo paG nadaPa uNg GF/BF nia sa haRap mo?
/> all part of God's majestic plan... everything happens for a reason...

9.uMaaSa ka pa Ba na iSang aRaw maGkakabaLikaN pa kaYo?
/> i have surrendered my fate in God's hands... Thy WILL be done... pero kung ang tanong na ito ay para sa ngayon - hindi na ako umaasa... matagal na panahon din akong umasa pero tapos na yun. kapag sinabi kong tapos na, totoong tapos na lahat. period!

10.paNo paG naLaman Ng EX mo na maY GF/BF ka na. ano gGawiN moH?
/> steady lng ako :) ano naman sa kanya yun?! wala lang yun sa kanya 'noh!

11.dBa aLam na niYa na maY GF/BF ka na thEn biNaNaTan niYa, ano GagaWin mo? kanino ka kakamPi?
/> syempre dun na ako sa current BF ko... bakit naman siya mangugulo? anong rason?!

12.paNo paG inaWay ka ng GF/BF niya?
/> ILULUGAR ko siya.

13.naNiniWaLa ka ba na kaYo taLaga paRa sa isa'T-isa?
/> for the longest time, INAKALA ko na kami talaga sa isa't isa... siguro dahil sa bata pa ako noon kaya naman madali pa akong mabola ng mga magaganda niyang salita (at the same time i LOVED him -- past tense!). pero iba na ako ngayon. siguro nangyari na rin ito para matuto ako dito. also, maybe this happened to us for me to be prepared for the right man. AMEN

~ May 31, 2005 (monday) ~ (what a week!)

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 05:53:18 GMT

yikes! One week na lang at pasukan na! at hindi pa rin ako enrolled! Huhu… don’t worry, enrolled na me tomorrow. ^^

What a week! Sinusubukan lang talagang sirain ng isang tao pero hindi… not until tonight! Fucking shit talaga… pero mamaya na yan. Good stuff muna… let’s start with Friday, May 20…

May 20, 2005 (friday)
hmm… ano ba nangyari nito? Well, I thought medyo magiging malulungkot ako sa araw na ito pero hindi naman pala ^_^… hindi man alam ng lahat, this used to be a special day… well, used to be pero ok lang naman. Blessing in disguise nga kse umalis kme ng sis ko, w/ my bro and his gf at nagpunta kme sa Klownz Q.Ave (comedy bar) and sobrang saya kse ang kulit lang talaga nina John Lapuz and Phillip Lazaro (the main acts of the night). Ang kulit ng mga bading! Sobra… kuya ko (palibhasa lasing na) w/ another guy, sila yung sobrang nangungulit sa mga bading at nang-aasar sa mga comedians… here’s an example:

… kse ung eksena si Phillip Lazaro nangungulit ng isang baguhang waiter nung bar. Sabi niya, para raw tumagal ung waiter kelangan niya pakisamahan lahat at magkikita sila sa backstage… anyway, may isang scene dun na dapat umarte ung waiter na hinahabol niya si Phillip Lazaro sa beach. Kaso nga lang tawa nang tawa ung waiter kaya parang ang lambot ng katawan niya…

Phillip Lazaro: ano ka ba?! Meron bang lalaki na tumatakbo sa beach na ganyan kalambot ung katawan?! Ayusin mo yan! Wala tayo sa ilalim ng dagat ‘no?! hindi ako isda! Ayusin mo! Tumakbo ka ng maayos ok?! (Music please!)

… again the waiter was laughing kaya same thing… lambot ng katawan parang agogo dancer tumakbo!

Phillip Lazaro: ang kulit mo ah! Hindi nga sabi under the sea eh! Nasa BEACH TAYO! Wala tayo sa ILALIM NG DAGAT!

… kuya ko ang kulit, sumigaw ng ganito…

kuya kong lasing: Habulin mo ung SEAHORSE! HABULIN MO YUNG SEAHORSE!!!

Phillip Lazaro: SINONG SEAHORSE?! Gago ito a! (looking @ the laughing audience but can’t see my bro because of the lights)… sino ka?! Magpakita ka!

… tawa na lang kami ng tawa! Ang kulit kse… XD pagkatapos ng show, umuwi na kami at nagpahinga ako ng buong araw the next day (May 21, saturday). The day after that, (Sunday, May 22) alam nyo na yung nangyari noon… so next days please!

May 23 – 24, 2005 (Monday to Tuesday)
Nakakatuwa kse yung Korean friend ko magaling na sa tagalong! ^_^*~ hindi man siya ganun kagaling as kung paano tayo magtagalog pero ok na siya (well…somehow) kse naiintindihan niya na ako kapag nagtatagalog ako (not all pero medyo nakukuha na niya). Memorize na rin niya yung basics kaya ok na siya. Although kaya niya magbasa ng tagalong, nahihirapan pa rin siya sabihin un –ng, ñ, l, r, b, p… pero so far ok na siya. For someone na isang buwan pa lang… mabilis siya makakuha! ^_^

Also, noong Martes (May 24), sumali yung classmate ko nung college (Dyan w/her brother Jerome as Crystal and Blue) sa isang acoustic band competition sa Naughty Strings T.Morato. Hindi ko alam na comedy and acoustic bar pala yun kaya naman pagpunta namin (me, mich, sunny and pola) dun, pinag-trip-an na kami ng mga bading na hosts… at the end of the show, nagging lucky charm namin un mga Koreans kse nanalo un friend namin at nakapasok sa grand finals! Go dyan!!! Andito lang kme lagi… ^_^*~

Nauna umuwi un mga Koreans kaya kaming dalawa ni Michelle nag-stay sa McDo para magpaumaga (at doon magpasundo) at doon nagkaroon na naman kami ng madibdibang usapin tungkol sa aking buhay… nakakatawa nga eh kasi dun nya lang ako nakita umiyak ulit kse lagi niya lang ako naririnig sa telepono. Umiyak na naman ako hindi dahil nanghihinayang ako pero dahil ganun ko pala talaga minahal ung isa… one song made me realize that… Nina fan naman un isa diba so baka alam niya un… hindi ko kse pinapakinggan ung song pero nung sinabi sa akin ni Michelle na “… sa lahat lahat ng kanta niya, kung yan ung kinanta niya sa’yo before, naku baka irespeto ko pa siya…”. Pagkatapos ko marinig un comment na yun, pinakinggan ko nang mabuti at doon na nga ako napaiyak… haay! Todo pala talaga ako when it comes to love… kaya naman andami rin nagmamahal sa akin.

May 25-27, 2005 (Wednesday to Friday)

Buong Wednesday natulog lang ako. Rest days ang Wednesday and Thursday dahil nga sa nangyari noong umaga ng Wednesday sa McDo w/ Mich. Gabi gabi naman kausap ko si Michelle kaya naman ilang beses na rin akong napapagalitan ng tatay ko. Pero kahit na puyat, mabuti na rin na nakakausap ko si Mich. Mahal na mahal ko yung kaibigan ko na yun at turing ko sa kanya ate/sister… I’m not like this because of her. Pwede siyang maging Psychiatrist sa pinagagagawa niya. ^_^

Noong Friday (May 27) ay ang BIG NITE namin! Yung mga Koreans (Pola and Sunny) sinamahan kami (Mich & I) sa isang Korean bar sa Makati. Since all girls kami and Korean bar yun, thinking na parang “bar” siya dito (e.g. Sidebar, Racks El Pueblo, Absinth etc..) todo ayos naman ako… pero iba pala pagdating namin. Nagulat kami ni Mich pero wala na kami magagawa. Ok naman sana yung place medyo kakaiba lang… basta kayo na lang bahala mag-isip. Pero nung katagalan, naging masaya naman lahat kse enjoy naman kami (medyo nakainom na kasi). Kung kelan naman ok na lahat at pauwi na kami (huling sayaw na naming noon) may nangyari na hindi maganda. Si Mich, ninakawan ng cel (N6150) and wallet (w/credit cards + P2k + $50). Para sa isang tao na kasing-edad ko na hindi nagtatrabaho at hindi nag-aaral, malaking pera ang nawala sa kanya. Kaya ayun, malungkot kami lahat pag-uwi namin. Nakitulog ako kina Pola (6am-430pm) hanggang sa magising ako at umuwi para naman sumama sa ate ko…

May 28-29, 2005 (Saturday & Sunday)

Late na ako nagising (4:30pm) at kinailangan kong umuwi para maligo at sumama sa ate ko para kitain yung mga kaibigan niya galing Australia. Yahoo! Dahil libreng dinner! LOL! ^_~ Kumain kami sa Cabalen West Ave. Ok naman yung pagkain pero parang mas maganda sa Kamayan. So nag-chikahan ang ate ko habang ako’y lumalamon lang… hehe! Dito na rin napag-usapan ang plano para ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral ko sa Australia (na malamang na mangyari)… as much as excited ako, hindi rin ako ganun kakomportable sa ideya na yun. Basta, bahala na si God! ^^

Normal lang ang Sunday ko. Nagsimba ako at nag-reflect. Hindi kasi natuloy yung EK adventure naming kse lahat pagod kaya sa susunod na Sabado na lang. Sunday talaga ay rest day…

May 30, 2005 (Monday)

Mukhang gumagaling na si Pola sa Tagalog! Kaya niya na mag-translate at gumawa ng isang pangungusap! Mukhang effective naman din pala ako…^^; *sweatface* Actually, masaya ang araw ko noon hanggang sa may isang hindi inaasahang pangyayari (TOTOONG HINDI INAASAHANG PANGYAYARI) dahil kahit ako nagulat at nainis at nagalit!!! Nanggagalaiti ako sa galit!!! >X(

Ayoko ng pag-usapan dahil lumalala lang… sabihin na lang natin na kung ano yung nangyari noong mga nakaraang araw ay nangyari ulit! mas malala nga lang ngayon!!!

B.S! MADAPA KA! BO WI SIT! #@%#!&%*(%^*%!!!!

Tang na! Susunod na araw na nga!

May 31, 2005 (Tuesday)

Kadugtong lang ng nangyari kagabi… bwisit! Hindi ko tuloy nagawa yung tutorial ko kse sobrang bad trip ako… pasaway kse. Dapat kse, matagal na akong tapos dito pero hindi e… (private post na ang susunod! Hindi pwedeng hindi isulat…)

Anyway, lahat na lang ng kaya pumunta sa Naughty Strings, Tomas Morato, PUNTA KAYO NGAYON (June 1 na! Wednesday… TODAY!!!)… itong place na ito kasama niya yung Ratsky so pwede punta kayo mga 10pm kse perform friends ko! Grand Finals na nung acoustic bands contest so lahat ng maririnig nyo, good songs lahat! P150 lang entrance… kung gusto nyo pakilala ko pa kayo sa friends ko… hehe!

Antok na ako… wala pa kong tulog for 48hours na! o_O >>> sign out! 2:31am; Wed. June 1…

no more...

Tue, 31 May 2005 11:16:49 GMT

perfect song for someone... you know who you are...

Life Goes On
Leann Rhymes

You sucked me in
And played my mind
Just like a toy
You would crank and wind

Baby I would give till you wore it out
You left me lyin' in a pool of doubt
And you're still thinkin' you're the Daddy Mac
You should've known better but you didn't
And I can't go back

Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye cause YOU can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
And this feelin' that I can't go back

Wish I knew then
What I know now
You held all the cards
And sold me out

Baby shame on you, if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice
You've been a pretty hard case to crack
Should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back

Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye cause YOU can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
And this feelin' that I can't go back

Na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na,
It made me strong
Oh yeah, got this feeling that I can't go back

Life goes on, and it's only gonna me strong
Life goes on, life goes on, and on and on

shame on you, if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice
You've been a pretty hard case to crack
Should've known better but I didn't
And I can't go back

Oh life goes on
And it's only gonna make me strong
It's a fact, once you get on board
Say good-bye cause YOU can't go back
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me
And this feelin' that I can't go back

Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong

Oh yeah
Gotta feelin' that I can't go back

Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong

Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong

Oh yeah
</b>Gotta feelin' that I cant go back</b>

Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong

Oh yeah
Gotta feelin' that I cant go back

Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong

Oh yeah
Gotta feelin' that I cant go back

Na, na, na, na, na
Life goes on
Na, Na, Na, Na
It made me strong

Oh yeah
Gotta feelin' that I cant go back

edit: there... its not as "mean". para lang wala ng gulo. tapos na!
do I still need to say something? hmmm... stop. end. done. period.

quickie muna...

Sat, 28 May 2005 19:24:10 GMT

haay! malapit na matapos ang summer! isang linggo na lang pasukan na X(( kakainis nga eh pero ok na rin... balik stress na naman! haay... pero sinusulit ko na kung anuman ang hindi ko nagawa nung mag-simula yung summer...

ngayong linggo, andaming nangyari! interesting nga eh at masaya rin naman. hindi pa ako tulog at mamaya e nasa enchanted kingdom pa ako.. pano na ito?! o_O

basta, bukas ko na lang kwento nangyari ngayong linggo... girl power itong linggo na ito! (pati na rin next week!) puro kse babae kasama ko... hehe!

isang linggo na lang bago mag-pasukan at hindi pa ako enrolled! o_O;

bahala na si batman! aarrgh!!! showing na pala yun next week! sino may gusto sumama sa akin?

gotta ask for a mini eb again... hehe! :sweatface:

bukas na lang! ^_^*~

if i'm always late... YOU'RE ALWAYS WRONG TIMING!!!

Thu, 26 May 2005 18:17:54 GMT

and u really think that all i said to them were all filtered side of the story??? oh well, ganun talaga ang sasabihin mo kapag in denial ka pa rin. ako, wala lang. alam nila na hindi ako perfect... actually nagulat sila sa akin sa lahat ng revelation na sinabi ko about myself at lahat ng ginawa ko when we were still together... even that chat and "talk" sa phone?! (remember?) lahat un, nagulat sila pero iba lang talaga ang baho mo... hindi ko kinayang itago... to the point na sariling ate ko (premier of "guess who" + away sa phone) at mga kaklase at kaibigan ko (play nila abby sa ateneo... i forgot the title pero yung bigla mo akong pinatakbo from shakeys katipunan branch papunta sa theater near the library- gabi na noon! 8pm! and alam mo kung gaano kadilim sa ateneo at gaano kagubat noon)... these are just some instances na KUSA LANG LUMALABAS ANG SARILI MONG BAHO na hindi ko kelangan sabihin dahil nakikilala ka na...

at sa sinasabi mong "mga babae" mo na talaga namang wala... ikaw na rin ang nagpahamak sa sarili mo. paano? why don't u check you're own OB POSTS?! ooh... chinese girls with glasses! ooh... elgine! (even if hindi siya ob-er... big deal diba na kailangan ipakita sa mga tao sa ob!)... ooh... chinese prospects! (na public na nakikita ng mga tao dahil sa blog mo)... kailangan ko pa ba TALAGANG SABIHIN SA KANILA?! DO U REALLY THINK KAILANGAN KO PANG SABIHIN SA KANILA WHEN THEY CAN REALLY SEE THE REAL YOU!!!

hay naku, sabi nga nila mabait pa nga daw ako sa'yo kse ipinagtatanggol pa kita... gusto mo ng proof? ayan... andyan sila lahat nagbabasa... (hello skysenshi!) beia can't lie kse nga diba ayaw niya ng liars (na dati isa ka dun... or maybe ur still one of them. my bad, just telling the truth). or u can ask michelle (if u have the guts...and the balls). or u can even ask IMEE aka bogus... check ur fone... anjan pa number niya... isa pa yun, hindi nagsisinungaling... ang saya 'no? dami kong friends na lahat nagsasabi ng totoo... sana ikaw rin magkaroon ng friends na tulad nila... ^_^ kung mabait ka baka bigyan ka ni God. ^_^

about the pictures... okie. masaya! ang aga ng valentines... and to think ako pa nga yata namili (chose) ng polo na yan (mossimo ba tatak? oo kasama nga kita noon. kung mossimo yun.) masaya ako na nagpa-picture kayo kaagad ng studio pic (u just dunno how happy i am na as early as now, nagpapicture na kayo sa studio... hehe! akin na lang kung bakit... LOL!) anyway, wala akong nakita doon. just two people having their pictures... happy? i dunno... ask them then. in love, maybe? not!? i dunno... sabi ko nga, ask other people na lang. alam naman ng tao kung sino talaga ang "ultimate goal" mo eh and up to now, siya pa rin ang bukang bibig mo. ^_^ better yun. me bitter??? sino kaya ang unang nag-comment about this... i was quiet kaso nga lang sumagot ka so, i just replied...

me, happy? oh YES, i am very VERY VERY HAPPY! kse kahit na wala akong boyfriend na sasalo sa akin, i have more than enough friends to love me kaya naman "malunod-lunod" na ako sa pagamamahal. that's how lucky i am... and i think i'm just living my life well kaya naman binigay sa akin ni God ang mga pangyayari na ito at hindi tayo nagkatuluyan (THANK YOU SO MUCH TALAGA, LORD!). ikaw, kelangan mo pa siya para sumaya. kaya naman i ask you, are u really happy? because sa lahat ng nababasa ko (ur reply included) at sa lahat ng naririnig ko (dumadating lang ang news eh), mukhang hindi ka pa masaya... mukha... pero kung masaya ka, eh di good for you! ^_^

one more thing, bakit ka pa maghihintay sa akin kung ikaw mismo ang umalis? hindi pa ba siya enough? kelangan mo pa ako... oh please!!! bull crap ito...

and bakit ka NAG-SO-SORRY kung sa tingin mo naman ay wala kang ginawang mali?! defensive or guilty??? hmmm... sabi ko na nga, sarili mo ang nagpapahamak sa'yo. why feel so guilty about what u did??? wala naman akong sinasabi about the 5years... (wala na ngayon) so bakit kelangan mo ng assurance from me that what we had was "true"??? na minahal mo nga ako... bakit kelangan mo sabihin pa kung alam mo naman na totoo un... bket kelangan ko ba mag-agree??? hmmm....

or baka naman kailangan mo ng pa-effect sa reply na ito para naman maawa ang mga tao sa'yo. ok lang... they know better. pero sa totoo lang, kahit ako naaawa sa'yo kse sa lahat lahat ng nangyayari, kelangan mo pang gawin ito para lang makakuha ng atensyon sa mga tao... para naman makita nila na oo nga, ako rin masama 'no?! haay... ikaw nga si MARCELLE at isa ka ngang FABIE...

parang yung tinanong mo sa akin about ur chit-chat w/ skysenshi... here's how u asked me then...

you asking me: grace, diba i've fallen in love with you? diba? and that i just don't love you and that i'm in love with you?

diba? what's with my assurance? why is it so important? bakit, sa tingin mo hindi ka naging totoo?? alam mo yun, lumalabas lang talaga ang totoong "IKAW" without any effort...

isa pa... alam ko naman na talagang kailangan mong ipakita at DITO PA MAG-REPLY para naman makita ng lahat ng tao ang pagsisisi mo... ang showbiz mo talaga! again, i will comment... THIS IS JUST SO "YOU"... SO "MARCELLE"... diba, if u know better (IF you know better), you can just email me this message kse this thing is JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME... pero NO, ITS BETTER KUNG INVOLVE AND MGA TAO diba??? namamalimos ka kasi ng awa sa mga tao para naman makita ang side mo diba???

parang ganito lang yan eh... naalala mo ng NAGHINGI KA NG CONFIRMATION FROM ME kse sinabi ni MADAME JESS (ate jess dyan sa LJ) na hindi ka worth it para kay elgine... or something like hindi siya worth it for you... diba??? NAGHINGI KA PA SA AKIN NG CONFIRMATION NA WORTH IT KA NAMAN PARA SA KANYA??? to the point na napaka-down mo that time kse nga ganun ung sinabi ng isa sa mga friends mo?!? to the point na TUMAWAG PA AKO SA CEL MO PARA NAMAN MEJO SUMAYA KA?! NAAALALA MO BA or may alzheimers ka na?! ;P

well, wala akong naramdaman sa reply mo. napaka-showbiz mo kse. ilan beses mo na ginawa ito kaya sanay na ako... parang mum mo, dedma! not because gusto ko magpaka-dedma sa'yo but because WALA TALAGA AKONG NA-FEEL NA SINCERITY OR EVEN TRUTHFULNESS sa reply na yun... hindi ko man lang matawag na "apology" ito because sobrang hindi...

kung mag-so-sorry ka... (isang malaking KUNG!) all i can say, show ur heart! hindi yung ganito. ano ba yan kelangan ko pa ba sabihin kung paano... as in STEP BY STEP?! asus! that is KUNG KAYA MO MAGPAKATOTOO...

and put some OF YOUR BALLS IN IT!!! siguro naman you know what i mean...

haay! kakaloka... o_O LOL! hehe...

i give a snippet of the MYMP's song MAGICAL FEELING

... People say you're sorry
But baby, don't you worry
'Cause life has been easier without you...
We should have done this earlier...

I'm happy you left me
I'm glad that you hurt me
It's a MAGICAL FEELING
knowing that you're not meant for me...

PS: pasalamat ka hindi nakikita ito ng gf mo... kse masama ang mga ginagawa mo e.
sana... SANA nga MASAYA KA...
kasi kung masaya ka... hindi ka dapat guilty...
pero hindi man kita nakikita, nababakas... sa LAHAT NG PINAGSUSULAT MO...
hindi ka masaya...

kaya yun lang ang wish ko...

sobra... kakaloka talaga itetch! o_O